Dear Cia Column

Yay! more questions!  

Typing replies as we speak, but note that I just added a scoreboard on the main topic.  This will keep in track points accumulated, plus points reclaimed -- I have a lot of people I owe cheese to, so this will help remind me how much to give you.  

Dear Kiba,

Sorry for the wait.  
Anyway, you partially know the answer since I already spoiled you, but for the uninitiated I actually do NOT like sushi.  In fact, up until recently, I did not like seafood at all... I had a perceived allergy to shellfish ("perceived" because in retrospect it might have been something else), and a general aversion to fish.  That's changed a lot thanks to my new diet lifestyle, and I AM eating more fatty fish for sure... but I still prefer it cooked and without any visible heads and stuff that make me queasy.  XD

Sushi still encompasses a lot of what I don't like as far as taste and texture, and despite insistence to the contrary, I'm not convinced that raw fish doesn't pose the risk of parasitic or at least harmful chemical ingestion.  Could be wrong, but don't care...  XD

But that's just me; obviously sushi is popular among many people, and from a nutritional standpoint it's probably great at offering whole vitamins, minerals and fatty acids since heating destroys these over time (overcook anything, and you literally burn out whatever nutritional value it can give you).  Omega-3 in particular is very important for good heart health, and if you were to consume this in full whole sources that will definitely help offset the ingestion of access omega-6 in other foods (like nasty processed seed oils). XP

That being said, I don't have a favourite "real" sushi, though if I were stuck in a restaurant that served nothing BUT sushi (and I have), then I can get by with one of those vegan rolls like the ones filled with cucumber and avocado.  For delicious Japanese food, I'd rather have okonomiyaki...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Okonomiyaki

Think of it like a Japanese pizza -- and like with pizza, I probably can't eat it anymore outright since it uses flour to bind the cabbage.  XD
But I can make that at home using another binding agent, and with more delicious ingredients to me (less fish, except maybe bonito flakes which I do kinda like a little). ^^


--Cia

Dear Tex, 

Thank you for waiting as well.  

Well, let's start with the basics. ^^
Texas is a big state, the biggest in the US, and fiercely independent given it enjoyed sovereignty from the US before being annexed by it.  As with Hawaii, there are some who feel the status as a state is illegal under international law given it formally seceded from the United States a few years after the formal annexation, and then illegally occupied militarily during the Civil War.  

Being of Mexican decent, Texas is a bit of a sore point given it encompasses land that ceded by a carefully-orchestrated land grab of sorts.  But that's essentially a moot point, since the area of the Great Plains always belonged to the Natives that lived there, and after several centuries it may not be much of a discussion topic anymore.  

Regarding culture I wouldn't be able to say much since I've never personally been there and I wouldn't want to base my opinions on stereotypes.  No one can expect all Texans to be cowboys, any more than anybody can expect Wisconsinians to be all cheese makers... if anything, thanks to cultural dilution through mass media, you'll find a lot of people pretty much just trying to imitate what they see on television instead (curse you Jersey Shore and Breaking Bad!). There might be some traditional or cultural overlap, but overall that is not as pervasive as it used to be, which may be good or bad depending on how you feel about self-individuality and community.  

Of course, what I am most interested in is food, and especially the notion that "everything is bigger in Texas" -- whether it's true or not is something I'd like to see some day, but if I can have a huge steak or an order of ribs for cheap, that would definitely make me happy.  But more curiously I'd want to see why your state is always picked on as being some sort of rampant, uncontrollable hive of obesity.  You don't actually get fat off steaks or ribs or roast chicken or anything combining dietary fat and protein... but you definitely get fat off of carbohydrates.  Are the steaks served with a huge slab of so-called "Texas Toast" or a humongous gollup of mashed 'taters, and are the ribs drowning in some disgusting ultra-sugarfied barbacue sauce like they often are in the east?  Do people chug down soft drinks like there's no tomorrow?  Do people indulge in non-stop Tex-Mex cuisine which is unnecessarily carboholic?  [and far removed from anything we eat farther down in central Mexico]

Or, per my whole cultural dilution thing above, maybe the vast majority of the population is simply eating what the rest of the country is eating... "heartyhealthywholegrains" and other low-fat carbage, combined with plenty of exercise... and are simply scoring higher in CDC census figures on obesity simply because they're more honest about their weight as a result of this disastrously-bad advice?  XD

Real answer may be a little bit of both, but I guess I'll see whenever I go to Texas... or you can just offer your own thoughts which would also be great.  


--Cia

Dear Ishida-kun,

Ooooh!  So professional, so detailed, so YOU!  
Thank you for providing a definition of "discourse community" -- I have heard of the word "discouse" and "community" but never both in conjunction to form a new meaning.  In reading this, I feel we finally have a way to properly define our own Big Sister "community".

I don't use the word "community" lightly; like with friends, I prefer to keep it strictly with either RL equivalents, or internet communities with a high degree of participation and motivation amongst its members.  Online groupings that reach a kind of participatory "critical mess" are essentially pure communities in my interpretation of the word since they can be self-sustaining and don't require the guidance of some benevolent dictator.  The My Little Pony:FiM fanbase are a good recent example of a community since they are self-motivating in making fanfics, fandrawings, fangames, toys, conventions, blogs, videos, etc, and regularly meet in person.

Therefore, a "community" we are not, and I've stressed this a lot with new applicants.  At the risk of sounding egoistic, sometimes I fear that if I were to ever fall off a plane or get rolled over by a bus, our server would suffer a quick and fiery death because there still seems to be a very uncomfortable over-reliance on me.  THAT IS NOT GOOD, and although we take measures to address that and ensure some kind of continuity plan in the event of my extended (or permanent) absence, I still worry we're not quite there yet.  With any luck, the Microsoft bastards may make this a moot point and destroy our server long before I expect all of you to make hard decisions on your own; but regardless, it's still something that always worries me, and that cements the reality that we are NOT a community.  We are a Minecraft server that's better organized than others, but we're nowhere near critical mass. ^^;

But a discourse community fits the description somewhat, and certainly coincides with my own personal obsession for "communication".  It was bad communication that nearly destroyed Gunia, and our own server was born out of an attempt by Cay and I to provide a new common ground to regroup and recover back when Gunia's forum simply wouldn't cut it and no one really talked to each other.  Cay, for instance, only had contact information for Cory (and old mod) and maybe one other mod... I had to actually reach out to him and Burger directly to get some kind of indication of why Gunia's server ceased to exist and was offline for 3 weeks running.

Therefore the IMMEDIATE goal of the then "Sister Server", now "Big Sister" server was to enhance communication.  First, by providing an alternate location for players to meet, regroup, and have fun in a provisional setting while the main server recovered.  And secondly, by promoting more proliferation of news and discussion on Gunia's forum, which I tried to do....

http://guniasgs.webs.com/apps/forums/topics/show/9436998-sister-server

Once the chaos subsided and there was actually some form of communication between her staff and I, then things started to improve from there incrementally.  

"Communication is key, miscommunication is pee", always remember that (or not). XD

So we definitely encompass that, and as far as the other items...

1) Mileage may vary, but I like to think that once we separated from Gunia's and I had a chance to publish some set goals for the future of our server, then things started to go in a particularly flavorful direction:

http://ciabatta-breadalot.blogspot.com/2013/12/sister-server-manifesto-roadmap-for.html

2) Another reason for separating from Gunia's was the poor quality of the communication tools available to us.  Gunia's forum was subpar, and she never gave me moderating rights there or published our IP, so there was no way to properly broadcast who we were -- what we have today is a result of trying to do better.  There was also no central news site, so that was why the blog was born.  Our willingness to be open and share information is why we adopted Dynmap (thank you Shad).  And my emphasis on communication and education is why we have all these wacky zany guides. XD

3) Yes, well the in-game setting itself is still traditional Minecraft, but I think these supplementary resources around the server really give it its character.  And their primary purpose is to inform and enhance communication, but sometimes it's even more fun than playing Minecraft-proper -- not to mention that the services extend to what I call "3rd party" services created by players to carry on the fun elsewhere (including that Steam group, Skype sessions, etc).  

4) Unless I'm misunderstanding what it says, that seems to describe our Little Brother server.  I recognize that not everyone is the same, so we have the choice in case someone wants a different experience than what Big Sis has to offer.  And that also can have its own sub-community as well, and it certainly does when popular mods are involved (e.g., Ars Magica or that Pokemon thing).

5) Oh gawd!  Like bread and cheese jargon?  

6) As in we don't just accept any trash... people who want to join this discourse community must prove themselves through a very rigorous whitelist that carefully encompasses aspects of our philosophy.  Had you accepted the Deputy position, you would have gained access to our secret Whitelist Application Guide, and seen just how purposeful that thing is -- nothing in that list of six questions is frivolous.  ;P

The staff as well are taken from "the best of the best", although not necessarily to what most people might construe as "the best".  More than popularity or building expertise, we need people who are good with dealing with people, eager to interact well with our staff, and most importantly COMMUNICATE!  And they can do this all with the tacit understanding that this is all still just a game and they don't need to sacrifice their lives to obsess over it.  

So there you have it.  Thank you so much for properly categorizing us.  


--Cia

Hey, it's grim. What's your favorite mod, other than the Gulliver mod?

Dear cia,
What kind of youtube videos do you watch usually? Do you like gaming, baking let's plays, music, news or even baking?

I mean,
Dear Cia,
What is your favorite mod, other than the Gulliver Mod?

Dear Cia: I've just been wondering if you ever thought about expanding the server with more mods or interesting server addons. I'm sure people have asked over and over but have you ever actually considered adding anything that would go well with guiller. (You don't need to mention little blocks a.k.a. gulliver mods soul partnered mod)

Ooooh!!!  Thank you!!!  We got the next three questions lined up for tomorrow!  

Let's see which of you earns some delicious cheese... although given it's the Server Anniversary, I may just be generous and award every question maker some cheese. ^^

Dear A4,

Interesting question!  Since I don't make it a habit to post Youtube videos ingame, few people there know what my Youtube tastes are.  However, a quick visit to my Food 101 thread will give you an idea of what I usually watch these days -- a lot of informative or entertaining nutritional/health content, and yes sometimes even cooking content as well.  Whether it's cooking shows, lectures, interviews or documentaries, I like to see it all, digest any new information I find, and add it to my ever-growing knowledge base.  ^^

When not trying to be a food nerd, though, I do regularly watch gaming channels believe it or not -- perhaps since I don't play any other games besides Minecraft (and the occasional Android game), I don't mind other people playing or talking about these games for me.  Ending spoilers in particular are a-okay with me... why slug through Final Fantasy XIII or Mass Effect, when I can watch the cutscenes and have a feel for the full narrative and art direction, which is where the real value for me lies (I couldn't care less about grinding and killing).  

Typically, though, I focus on gaming videos that are clever and creative, in addition to being funny and informative.  Yogscast, GameChap, Game Theorists, AVGN, and Zero Punctuation are but a few examples of the kind of 
videos that appeal most to me.  ^^


--Cia

Dear Grimm,

Aha!  Almost gotcha!  
But thanks for correcting it in time... unlike Jeopardy, we do allow people to self-correct their responses. ^^

Anyway, that's a good Minecrafty question.
I try to categorize mods between destructive, non-destructive and mega modpacks, since they all have a particular and unique function.

The easiest to get out of the way are mega modpacks -- huge compilations of mods that completely overhaul the game to the point it even uses its own unique launcher, and is far removed from the original game.  I haven't played too many of these to form a proper opinion since in general, I don't like them for various reasons having to do with sensory overload and lack of polish, but i guess for the sake of inclusiveness I'll add Agrarian Skies as my favorite modpack.  It's unique and challenging, and I even managed to recreate the world a bit (using buckets, water, lava and a lot of dirt), but it's not without its problems and it DOES get boring after a while.  -v-

Next are destructive mods... single mods that nevertheless overhaul the world with the addition of new blocks, items and biome additions/changes that's amazing and cool, but pretty much doom you to be stuck to the current version of Minecraft since the world may be largely incompatible in later versions (and heaven forbid you should open your world without the mod, phew!).  Since I love exploration, immersion, realism and lots of detail, I think this title rightfully goes to Biomes O' Plenty.  Especially when paired with Mo' Creatures (that I would have liked if not for its occasional lack of polish) and Hardcore Mode, Biomes O'Plenty would offer some of my most rewarding and fulfilling single-player adventures ever.  If not for the destructive nature of this mod, I would happily have this as part of our server.  ^^

And finally non-destructive mods... single mods that offer some amazing new core mechanics or items, but do not alter the world or only very minutely to the point where conversion and updates to later Minecraft versions are possible and safe.  Obviously Gulliver takes the cake here, I find it to be the best non-destructive Minecraft mod ever made, and clearly Mion did her homework in making it integrate so beautifully with Minecraft.  But if any other non-destructive mod deserves an honorable mention, it would be CustomNPCs, thanks to its endless customization, and opportunities for in-depth interaction and immersive gameplay as YOU create your own quests and adventures.  Plus the mod also has its own size-changing abilities as well -- and paired with Gulliver, you can easily create 1/64x or 64x NPCs if you so choose (just be careful, it gets buggy). XD

While playing Agrarian Skies, i was hoping to nominate Pam's Harvestcraft as my second-favorite mod due to its extensive array of new crops and new food recipes, and yes I salute that.  But what killed me was the completely unrealistic and biased nutritional portrayal (steak and eggs have almost NO satiety, yet tofu burgers do?!!! SRSLY?!!), so that fell out of favor really fast.  


--Cia

Dear Candy,

Ah, well with the exception of Little Blocks, few people really ask me this question, and I'm just as surprised about that as you are.  I guess it helps that we have the Little Brother server on hand, so if anyone really truly wishes to try out new and exciting mods, they can always vote it into Little Brother and try it out to see if it's all that.  This is how I learned that Aether II, despite looking really awesome, was actually very irritating to play; or how I learned that a well-reviewed food mod like Pam's Harvestcraft was actually pretty crummy.  And for all the hype that players had, Pixelmon was boring as hell, and Crazycraft crashed after only a few minutes of being up and running, lol. XD

That's really the point of having two servers... one is stable and never changes, providing a solid and secure foundation for building a home/town/masterpiece/adventure, the other is crazy and chaotic and geared towards maximum interaction and fun.  That few people take advantage of that is testament to the power of a good stable home to come home to... the slow tortoise always wins the race, after all.  

But have I ever considered adding more mods to Big Sister?  Well certainly,... as I mentioned above to Grimm, I would kill to add Biomes O plenty to our world, but that would be too destructive to our map, and it would require an installation commitment that not everyone would be on board with (and besides, we import and convert biomes from it anyway, like that redwood forest near Barbary).  

And while I'm no big fan of LittleBlocks because of lag, Tarig assures me this is no longer a problem starting with the 1.6.4 version -- so if this holds true, the possibility exists that we can one day admit this little mod into Big Sister.

I've also proposed that CustomNPCs would be a wonderful mod to pair with Gulliver, given the double-size changing ability, and the fact that NPCs could be used to create quests, adventures, shops, or just some clever interaction to keep solitary players from feeling bored and lonely.  It would certainly fit closer to our ethos, although it too has some bugs that are not fully resolved until later versions.

We have Gulliver, LittleBlocks and CustomNPCs all currently hosted on Little Brother if you want to give it a try.  It sounds cool in principle, but in practice the combo is a bit of a yawner, judging by the slow uptake of Little Brother participation this month.  It matters little what mods are installed when what really matters to most people is... people.  Interaction. Socialization.  The best kind of fun there is!

And good socialization can be accomplished by one mod as easily as it can be accomplished by one hundred mods, so we can afford to take our time and think this through carefully.  


--Cia

Dear Cia,

Although I have a selected major, I am currently uncertain as to what to focus on career-wise and what I should pursue doing. Do you have any tips or know of anything I should look into to get a better understanding of one's own interests/passions?

Sincerely,
Ishida

P.S. +Rep for both the letter reply earlier as well as the blog post today; they were very detailed and expressed quite the ideas!

Dear Ishida,

Today being our anniversary, I will be extra generous with questions and answers, so here's to today's #4!!!  WOOO!!!  

Your question is a bit dangerous because, as some people who know me know, I have an ironically LOW opinion of our education system and higher education in general.  I say "ironic" because from a schooling perspective I did fairly well as far as grades, passing tests, and getting into college are concerned... even if I never felt sure of myself or what the hell was going on (that ever-present brain fog I used to have, ugh!), I still somehow managed to do well. But that doesn't mean I liked it... noooo, I hated every bit of it.  And although college was an opportunity to learn critical thinking skills, the fact I had to pay thousands upon thousands of dollars in order to do this (putting my family and myself in debt for a while), just for the luxury of living 4 years in forced poverty and sleep deprivation for some piece of paper, proved very distracting to me.  

This is why I often label myself as an "idiot", because according to my 2.3 GPA and my refusal to pursue Graduate School, I am a total dufus.  So be warned, you're seeking advice from an idiot.  

Learning is learning, school is school, they are marketed as one in the same by people trying to extract money and obedience from us, but ultimately they are two totally different concepts.  If you're lucky you can learn while in school, but as you may have noticed over the years it may be quite possible to be in school but not learn, or learn but not be in school.  We have high school dropouts creating multi-billion dollar software dynasties, and astro-physicist flipping burgers.  We have admirable rule-followers in low-paying jobs, and lying bastards working as politicians, lawyers and nutritional scientists.  

The one defining characteristic of success and happiness is therefore not the school or the degree pursued, but the will of the person at the helm of his/her life to succeed at his/her goal.  This is what defines a process-oriented approach to life (living life strictly based on the dictates of others and their templates for success) versus living a goal-oriented approach (living life in the pursuit of a solid end goal based on your own terms and sensibilities, including an ability to adapt to changing circumstances).  It's what defines the kids that blindly purchase the latest fashion shoes of the day, versus those that strive towards securing an internship at the company that makes these shoes or simply go on living happy, healthy lives wearing comfortable sandals.

That being said, I won't tell you how to live your own life, that's your job and your job alone.  

But of course you're asking me this precisely because you may not be sure exactly what to do,... but as is typical of me, my best piece of advice for you is to ask questions.  Lots of questions.  Because after all, smart people ask lots of questions.  :3

Here are some examples, and again these are hypothetical, these are not for you to answer here in front of everyone [unless you really want to, but, er,.. privacy]... XD


1) What is it that you want in life that you work so hard for?

For many people these days, the answer is money.  For other's its something abstract like raising a family; for other's still, it's owning some amazing Alienware rig and Oculus Rift goggles to play FPS shooters.  For me it was simply piece of mind, since I feel happiest and most fulfilled with peace and security. This is why one of my most immediate goals after graduating was to get rid of that stupid student debt, which I did, and I've never been happier -- no amount of tax deduction can ever justify lugging around that deadweight all your life. 


2) If you choose to pursue a career, is this a means to an end, or an to the means?

Do you strive to make money from something you [think] you love, or do you simply need a job to keep you fed and entertained while you pursue the things you love for real?  It's becoming ever more difficult to do either in this economy, so it often helps to view a career path as simply a ladder in the pursuit of happiness.  Otherwise, the inability to get a job, or the loss of it, can be emotionally devastating.


3) Do you expect to learn from your college what you need to achieve your reply to Question #1?  If not, can you at least use your degree to secure (or bribe?) your way into Question #2?  

That's in case you ever wondered why an environtmentalist ended up being an aspiring nutritionist, a database programmer, and a Minecraft server owner on the side.  

But that's not to say the experience of going to college wasn't entirely useless to me -- but that was precisely it.  It was the EXPERIENCE that set me on the course that I have now that I am happy and content in.  It was everything that I did when I was working on satisfying my course requirements, such as getting a job, cooking for myself, going to computer labs (to save money), being considerate of my family, making friends with deep-pocketed families and connections, picking up various hobbies, hiking and exploring the campus and city (meeting all sorts of interesting people along the way), sitting in on random classes that had nothing to do with what I was studying, badgering professors, egging the stupid bursar office, dabbling in underage drinking unsuccessfully, and asking questions questions questions!  

Be like the Plains hunter downing a buffalo, and let nothing go to waste.  Not even your time here with us.  To a fine musician, everything and anything can make music.  


4) Are you making the most of your time in college as you're reading this?

And that strictly depends on your definition of "the most of your time" -- for some people that means they cram as much learning experience as they can, for others its cramming as much party time as they can.  It all depends on the person, either/or can be successful at life, but the most important thing is to avoid feeling trapped, helpless and aimless.  Under such a circumstance of extreme duress, how likely are you able to make life-changing decisions? 


5) Do you have a good relationship with friends and family?

Shutting oneself from the world and immersing oneself in deep study is appealing to a small segment of the population -- but it's little guarantee of success.  As the wise saying goes, it's not "what you know but who you know that counts", and if you choose to enter the workforce as I have, you may come across that reality more often than not.  Family is important as well -- look at most of the richest people in the world, and they are almost all members of huge extended families... those that are not, supplement with a huge connection of friends.  It's almost an intentional act of sabotage that mass media promotes the disintegration of family values and a cheapening of the notion of friendship -- perhaps the goal is to eliminate as much of the competition as possible?

Since we are such social animals, give serious consideration to the notion of community, togetherness, and a sense of belonging. Based on your own needs and sensibilities, a lack of that could be detrimental to your health and goals.


6) Are you in full cognitive control of your thoughts and values?

Are you an impressionable watcher of TV and movies, and do you feel that is changing you into something you're not? Do you take medications that may be making you do strange things, or act in ways that are not normal for you?  Are you eating foods that may be inhibiting your ability to think or remember, and likewise are you avoiding foods that could help enhance your cognitive abilities?  In fact are you even considerate about your health and nutritional needs?

I know I sound like a broken record, but too many people severely underestimate, to their own detriment, just how important base metabolic functions are to us, and just how much control diet can have over cognitive function in particular.  If my early conspiratory observation is true -- that family and friendship values are intentionally diluted to thin the competition -- then it's not altogether difficult to imagine that food and water are also tampered to the same effect.  Once I lost the wheat, aside from losing the weight as well as some other mysterious chronic ailments, I also appeared to lose that horrible brain fog as well.  At the very least I'm more alert, more chipper, more smart-witted IRL, I read more books (or listen to more audiobook), and I retain more information I gather.  I dare say I feel more capable of making more ambitious decisions, although at the very least I have a more solid basis for that happy, healthy and peaceful life that I so yearn for.


And finally....

7)  Do you believe in yourself?

Sounds cliche, but it's absolutely the most fundamental question of all.  "I think, therefore I am", a common quote, to which I'll add an addendum very relevant to society today:

"But if I'm not, why should I think?"

And that I believe encompasses the very problem affecting our world today, and why there is so much pain in suffering in all circles, regardless of whether it's crushing poverty or fake prosperity.  There is a fundamental loss of the self, and with that a belief that our lives hold no value or meaning, and are not worth caring or improving.  Soul-less automatons marching towards an inevitable death, mired in sin and frivolous dreams, entertained only by the prospect of a luck streak, such as being cared for by some omnipotent benefactor.  Call it a cruel and endless game of musical chairs played on a species that at one time was fully capable of thinking for itself, changing its environment, realizing its dream, and even traveling to the stars.  

It's no surprise that these questions are in this order... I intentionally laid them out in order from most abstract and far-reaching to most immediate and fundamental.  And like a set of dominoes, if you don't really, truly, genuinely believe in yourself to make a decision for yourself, then the rest cascades accordingly (and often painfully). 

Believe in yourself, and you will find something to pursue and figure out how to make it work for your lifestyle. You may even find more things to pursue later on life, but that's okay. You are an adaptable creature, in control of your own narrative, and you can pursue these new dreams and goals to your own benefit if that's what you choose to do.

Only stop to ask questions and lots of them.


--Cia

I like yogscast as well as gamechap, but I don't watch them very much. However, I love watching game theorists, they ruin your childhood in such a funny way. But I haven't heard of the other 2 people. Thanks for the reply!

(PS. Grim, you are soooo lucky we were on the server at the same time after I noticed you forgot to say dear cia )

Oh he did, he simply fixed it afterwards.

Dear Cia
At times, My close friend (we'll call her J for privacy reasons) seems to be quite down, and I've tried to talk to her about it, and she will either say nothing, she's just being honest, or I'm too young to understand (Myself being 7 months younger then her) and I feel that I could do more, but I can't seem to cheer her up, and so I wonder, is there anything you think I should try to help J, and have you had a similar experience with a friend of yours?

~

Dear Audrey,
Thank you for posting your question. .. *hugs*

Wish I could have gotten to this yesterday, but I've been sicky (and pretty much slept all day XD). As soon as im all patched up, expect a heartfelt reply from me. ♥

--Cia

Dear Cia

Warning kind of personal

I need help, there's this girl that goes to my school that I really like and I want to ask her out, but every time I try I freeze up and walk the other way, what should I do?

P.S. hope you feel better soon

Dear Audrey,

Anyway, thank you for waiting. ^^
I'm really sorry to hear... some people can feel quite down or depressed for any number of reasons, from bereavement, to family issues, relationship issues, school worries, hormonal changes, controlled substance abuse, even diet.  Sadly, unless my memory fails me (which it might), I've always been fortunate enough to have friends or family who are okay with talking or who don't stay depressed for too long.  So whatever I tell you below I'll share based on my own experience of being regularly depressed and cloistered throughout most of my life (up until recently, actually).  

Because of the changing circumstances, it's often very very hard to truly give a "solution" on how to approach it, since each circumstance requires a particular nuance.  You can't, for exmaple, expect someone in bereavement to just magically cheer up... the pain of loss can be so great, that person may simply want to retreat from the rest of the world... the only thing that would convince her otherwise would be some kind of enticement or inspiration, typically something she would like doing.  Diet-induced depression can also be challenging to address despite the simplicity of doing so -- I've heard plenty of health advice in college eerily similar to what I've learned now, but since I refused to see a relevance to my own depression I never paid it any heed (and if anything, I would think the folks were crazy).  And relationship depression is a real doozy... when one feels unloved, unwanted and useless, one doesn't feel worthy of their friend's saliva.  >.<

Whether it be the confusion about life without a loved one, or uncertainty over your worth as a person, or your body feeling desperate and unable to find out what's wrong with it, depression can stem from a feeling of helplessness and a general lack of control.  Life just seems to want to roll over you, and if all you feel you can do is lie down and take it, there seems very little point talking about it. 

Is it really that hopeless?  Not necessarily, but it is a hard nut to crack.  And you also recognize that there are some disadvantages in this situation... there may be things you don't full understand, and most likely neither does she.  I wouldn't be surprised if J herself doesn't know why she's feeling down, and perhaps she's too afraid or ashamed to admit it (at least to you).

So it's going to be hard... It's going to require patience and most likely may need to ask questions from a lot more people besides me -- if there is anyone you know that knows her, perhaps you can get more details about what happened to your friend J.  The most important thng to remember is that J is your friend, and even if it takes weeks/months/years, as a friend you will stick with her through the thin and thick of it.  If she snaps out of her duldrums some day, she may remember how well you stuck with her.

If you want to try something more practical, don't approach her directly with questions about her depression.  Be discrete and subtle, do something that's fun and distracting, talk about fun or interesting things, watch movies that are fun or inspiring.  The trick is to make her WANT to talk about her problems, and this will only happen if the circumstances and J feels ready to relate... doing it beforehand is both ineffective and counterintuitive, as she'll only feel less in control than before.

For me personally, my friends used to know how to snap me back from my own duldrums.  There is an old saying where I'm from: "Las penas con pan son menos", or "Sorrows with bread are made less" (ugh, the rhyming is lost in translation), and it definitely worked for me, albeit for the wrong reasons.  Now that I know that flour and sugar can in fact cause depression I don't have it anymore (or at least not to the crazy levels I used to) -- but other foods are still great for the body and mind, so it still applies that a good meal is a great way to lift one's spirit and improve mood over time.  While I'm not entirely worry-free, I'm happy to say I don't get depressed like I used to, and I'm definitely more willing to talk things out.  I even have this thread to answer people's questions!  This is definitely not something I would have ever dreamed of doing 5 years ago, and although I owe a lot of this change to finally taking control of my life (and diet), I definitely could not have done it without the love and patience of my friends and family who put up with my antics and gave me a reason to want to change.  

I wish you the best, my dear Audrey. ^^


--Cia

Dear Tex,
[oh and thank you, yeah, feel loads better now, though still tired] XD]

Oh my!  That is definitely a personal one.  XD
But no worries, a question is still a question, and I betcha there are plenty of young guys out there who are asking the same question.  ^^

Anyway, so it turns out you're a choker, aww... 
While it's not impossible to find a girl that can look past this, I have to be frank... girls REALLY like confidence.  It doesn't matter how nice, sweet or intelligent the guy is... so long as the guy isn't confident, that's practically a deal-breaker or non-starter.  This is also why "physical confidence" plays heavily into the choices girls make... so a tall, athletic, rich guy may have a much easier time getting the girls then a short, thin, modest-means guy, regardless of whether the Jolly Green Giant is an idiot, jerk, two-timer, wife-beater and what-not, and Mr. Tom Thumb is a nobel-prize winning Husband-and-Father of the Year.  You could almost make the case that makes us astonishingly-frivolous,... but I guess when you consider how much crap women put up with later in life, they have a vested interest to play it safe.

So you may have your work cut out for you, kiddo.  
I say "may" because you can always cheat and try to rehearse with friends or family how to appear cool and confident with this girl, and then ask her out.  But what happens after that?  Sure, you can probably figure it out from there, but if you're not sure yourself, the false confidence will show and that can be problematic later.  What if it doesn't work out with this girl but you find some other girl you're interested in?  Or another?  Or another?  Or a job interview?  A public presentation?  A graduation speech?  See my gist?

Seriously ask yourself why you choke up?  Are you overthinking things?  Are you afraid of rejection?  
Maybe it's a legitimate concern, but given you have a 50% chance of being rejected, you have to get used to that feeling.
Observe the guys who do get the girls, and most of them may come off as shameless brutes who are not afraid of making fools of themselves.  It seems illogical, but also very brave -- ergo, confidence.  So you can read all the books you want, ask all the advice you want, eat the right brain-building foods, watch the right movies, etc... but when push comes to shove, you have to be able to swallow your pride and put your heart out on the line.  And then you have to be brave enough to fall through if accepted, or pick yourself up and shake the dust off if rejected.

If that sounds scary, that's because it is -- only experience or shamlessness can diminish the fear.  But if you can succeed at boosting your confidence, that will help you in more ways than just finding a girl... it's a valuable skill to have with you in life, and more power to you if you build self-confidence now when you're young.  

Feel free to ask follow-up questions is there's something you'd like for me to elaborate on.
Otherwise, good luck!  ^^


--Cia

Dear Cia,
Do you play any other games (excluding minecraft)? If so, what games? Also, what playforms do you play on; pc, xbox, playstation, or nintendo consoles/handheld devices?

Dear a4,

Oooh!  I'm so glad when people post more questions.  
Though this one is similar to one I have answered before, there are some slight differences that warrant a new answer. ^^

To answer the first one... as of this writing... no. 
Minecraft, and especially running this server, now constitute the entirety of my gaming time.  Sometimes I'll do unique things like play with alternate mods on Little Brother, but for the most part the Big Sister server is MY game now.  

Prior to that, I used to mainly play some quick Android games, like Angry Birds, Plants vs. Zombies, World of Goo, some RPG or too, etc... anything that was short and simple, didn't take up too much time, and was clever and inventive.  I rarely have a chance to fully invest myself in a game, and I absolutely hate killing things, so that doesn't leave much in the way of choice.  But it's all good, I'm not much of a gamer anyway... I rather spend my time finding ways to mingle out in the real world, eat delicious things, and make more money.  

Might have been slightly more of a gamer when I was younger, but not by much.  I had an NES really late in the game (up till 1999), and would little time I had to play would be occupied with Mario Bros, Megaman, Kirby's Adventure (woo!) and a few other things).  Then for the brief time I inherited my brother's Sega Genesis, Sonic would be the thing!  Then I inherited my PC, and got hooked on Civilization II and SimCity 2000, and then eventually Half Life (for its awesome art direction). 

Then came a period of relatively no-gaming before finally being thrust into the Wii area, where I got to like wacky remote-wagging games like Wii Sports, Zelda: Twilight Princess, Wii Fit, and the like.  Then more non-gaming, and then finally Minecraft.  And there you have it. XD

Now I still have the Wii although it's mainly gathering dust.  I also got a new NES console to reclaim the one I once had, I still have my old Sega Genesis, and I retroactively purchased a small SNES and Playstation to try and relive the childhood I never had.  Short-lived... true I loved going through Zelda: Link to the Past, Super Metroid, and some Tomb Raiders, but after a while I got bored and watched their Youtube endings.  

And that's pretty much what I do for gaming... watch them on Youtube.  I hate video games with no story, since I like when video games behave like books, with an interesting story, remarkable characters, and a proper ending.  But lacking the time to go through all that, I get the same interest just watching others play through them and give me the narrative I'm looking for... especially while working, this is a great way to make the day go faster (like listening to an audiobook).  

So in short, with the exception of the consoles I mentioned, I play mainly Minecraft, and mainly on my Chomebook Pixel.  I do still have games on my Samsung Galaxy Note II (including Pocket Minecraft), but rarely touch them much these days.  And of course, I have a load of historical consoles that I keep for nostalgia. ^^

I WOULD like to own a Steambox, though.  


--Cia

Dear Cia

Im currently working on my projects in college, and also want to work on my own projects alongside it. However, I have one massive problem stopping me from doing both at any reasonable speed...

Procrastination xP

Now, aside from telling me i'm a lazy bum (Which is true though xD) Do you know of any techniques that could help me when i'm feeling the lure of youtube or gaming washing over me? Its really affecting my work and I would like to get stuff done, but my weak mind is terrible when it comes to this ^_^'

Dear Cia,

I've come here to apologize. Over Steam I had told you that "I do not ask questions." and I feel like a fool for telling you that. It is a lie, and I am glad it is a lie. I want to ask you a question.

What inspires you? Like, what is your main inspiration for Spawnington and the wonderful buildings you've built there?

Thank you for your time and understanding.